Week 4 - Get to Know Your Judger (and don’t get hijacked by your assumptions)
Hi all - here is the recording from Week 4. Homework for next time, November 10 at 8 pm, is Chapters 6&7 in the book, and Chapter 4 of the workbook. Enjoy!
Quick recap
The meeting began with casual conversation about sports and household items before transitioning into a discussion about judgment and emotional responses led by Catherine. The main portion focused on understanding emotional hijacking, including its effects on rational thinking and strategies for managing such situations through techniques like the SOSS framework. The session concluded with breakout room discussions about personal experiences with judgment and assumptions, followed by homework assignments and plans for the next meeting.
Next steps
All participants: Watch for when making assumptions about conversations or people
Catherine: Restate the homework assignment on the Forum
Summary
Household Chat and Game Watch
The meeting began with a discussion about a baseball game, with Electra watching the Blue Jays while muted during the national anthem. Catherine and Irene then engaged in a conversation about various household items, including mint chocolate, washing machine balls, and black velvet hangers, with Irene confirming she would return some items to Catherine. The conversation ended with Catherine welcoming everyone and mentioning they were either in week 4 or 5.
Understanding Amygdala and Judgment
Catherine led a discussion on judgment and the amygdala hijack, emphasizing the distinction between discernment and being judgmental. She introduced a diagram illustrating how the amygdala processes threats and stimuli, leading to potential overthinking and negative narratives. Catherine shared personal examples to highlight how the mind can create worst-case scenarios, and she encouraged participants to practice choosing responses rather than reacting impulsively. The session included technical difficulties with sharing materials, which were eventually resolved.
Emotional Hijacking Management Strategies
Catherine discussed the concept of emotional hijacking, explaining how stress triggers the release of cortisol, which impairs rational thinking and leads to impulsive behavior. She outlined a strategy to manage such situations, known as SOSS: Stop, Oxygenate, Strengthen your heart, and Seek more information. Catherine emphasized the importance of recognizing when one is in a hijacked state, often characterized by feelings of hunger, anger, loneliness, or tiredness, and provided examples of how this concept applies in various contexts, including policing and family dynamics.
Shifting from Judgment to Curiosity
Catherine discussed the concept of changing questions from judgmental to curious, using examples like assuming negative intentions or making incorrect assumptions about others. She emphasized the importance of seeking more information and strengthening the heart to manage emotional responses. William asked Catherine to repeat the last two S's in the SOSS framework, which she clarified as "Strengthen the heart" and "Seek more information." Catherine shared a personal example about making assumptions about a colleague, highlighting the potential for damage to relationships if assumptions are not verified. She encouraged recognizing and shifting from judgmental to curious questions, using a story about two wolves to illustrate this concept.
Two Wolves: Compassion vs. Judgment
Catherine discussed the concept of two wolves within each person - one representing negative traits like anger and jealousy, and the other positive traits like compassion and love. She emphasized that the wolf that wins is the one that is fed, encouraging people to lead with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment. The group explored how judgmental tendencies develop naturally for protection purposes but can be overused in modern culture. Michelle shared personal experiences of developing judgmental beliefs about herself due to childhood comparisons with her sister, while Catherine explained that such beliefs are often formed in early childhood based on parental influences and environmental factors. The discussion concluded with Catherine introducing a breathing practice similar to tactical breathing, which can help manage anxiety and maintain calmness in stressful situations.
Questioning Assumptions for Better Outcomes
Catherine led a discussion on the importance of questioning assumptions and avoiding being "hijacked" by judgment. She encouraged participants to reflect on instances when they were influenced by assumptions and to consider what different questions could have led to better outcomes. The group was divided into breakout rooms for further discussion, with a focus on sharing personal experiences and exploring how alternative inquiries might have altered the situations.
Emotional Hijacking Management Strategies
The group discussed emotional hijacking and strategies for managing it, with Michelle sharing her progress in controlling emotions and recognizing triggers. Catherine emphasized the importance of recognizing when others are experiencing hijacks and suggested taking breaks or asking questions to interrupt the hijacking process. The group also discussed different processing styles and the value of expressing thoughts out loud. Homework assignments included reading chapters 6 and 7, workbook chapter 4, and Catherine promised to upload the meeting recording and summary. The next meeting was scheduled for two weeks' time.